I woke up this morning still hungover from the dark thoughts that carried late into last night. I picked a fight with my pops I knew I'd lose. He was nice enough to spend his energy fighting me back.
After we got off the phone, I texted him "Thanks, I needed that" with a little winky face.
I was angry, at this system we uphold. A system that tells us we're never good enough, demands our soul, tells you to kill or be killed, sows guilt into your stride as you walk a thousand miles in someone else's shoes only to find there's another thousand to go. And a thousand after that. And a thousand more.
But guess what, it's the journey, they say. Pull yourself up by your boot straps, they say. You get what you deserve, they say. You create your own luck, they say. It's all about developing, growing and progressing.
Fitting that such a word, readopted in 19th century American English, should coincide with the birth of our deepest American values of expansionism, imperialism, and domination.
Progress coming from progradi, pro meaning forward and gradi meaning walk. A mantra epitomized by the westward expansion. A science that taught the few to take and take, and the many to wait their turn.
Wait your turn.
Psychology always did teach us that we are attracted to waiting in lines. Guess I'll stand in the back then. I'm not worried though, 'cause they told me the meek would inherit the earth. I didn't really ask for the earth, only some safety, some security, some freedom to cry and laugh, to express myself, to be anything and everything. To love. Ya, on a mission to love. The funny thing is I asked for my buddy too, but I was told only one of us could have it. Boy were they wrong though. I'll show you. Ya, I'll show you.
They would have you start wars over morality - a notion that you thought you agreed to, an idea you thought was your own. They would have you pointing, yelling, screaming "hypocrite!" at someone across the room. Someone in the mirror that you couldn't recognize as yourself because you never really took the time to look in the mirror. Because you never really saw yourself. Because you were taught to tie your worth to shiny objects featured in magazines and pixelated realities that fed on your deepest insecurities, fabricated your identity, your subconscious being, until your conscious mind played like a broken record the learned mantras so that even when you close your eyes in an attempt to escape, their prophecy is still being written.
So tell me, who is the fool...those who see the system for what it is, or those who pretend the system is what is sold?